Women’s Issues – Self-Esteem

I want to talk about some of the issues that women deal with and struggle to overcome. In my last job as a clinical therapist I facilitated the “Women Empowering Women” support group once a week and we talked about various topics and issues of interest to women; one of the biggest being self-esteem and confidence. I found that all the women in my group, including myself, struggled with self-esteem at some point in their life. I shared my story at my church during our youth week of prayer about how I spent majority of my life being a “masquerader” by hiding who I am. I was born with a large birthmark that covers the forepart of my entire left arm and extends to the upper left side of by back and over my shoulder. It is also located on the back of my right thigh and back of my right ankle. Up until the 5th grade I was ok with myself, some kids even told me my birthmarks were “cool”. In the 5th grade is when I looked at myself in the mirror and decided that it wasn’t so “cool”. From that moment on I began to “hide” and cover up who I was/am. Throughout middle school, junior high and high school I always wore long sleeve shirts, longer skirts and/or pants ALL the time, I stopped being physically active because any type of physical activity, i.e. swimming, basketball, etc., would require me to wear something that would show my birthmarks. I was ashamed and didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I didn’t realize it, but I was crippling myself. I had been to so many dermatologists who had all told me that there was nothing wrong with my skin and nothing that could be done to change it. Basically I needed to get over it, but I wasn’t trying to hear that. My senior year in high school is when I discovered body makeup and began to wear it on my arm and leg so that I could wear short sleeves and skirts again and feel somewhat comfortable. I wore body makeup all four years of college. Throughout my life not many people, including family and close friends, knew that I struggled with this. It wasn’t until 2008 when I was in grad school in New Jersey that I realized what I had been doing to myself. I realized that I had struggled with self-esteem issues and had been covering up a great part of myself for so long. I decided that I would try to visit one more skin doctor to see if there was something that could be done. I knew that I either had to get rid of my birthmarks or learn to accept them, and of course I wasn’t ready to do the latter. I went to a well-known dermatologist in New York who specialized in treating different types of skin diseases. My aunt accompanied me on this trip to meet with the doctor and when she saw my birthmarks she was amazed. She said that she never knew and that it was beautiful (something I never heard). After the doctor examined my skin, he told me that I have a very rare skin condition, which is hyper-pigmentation or a birthmark since I’ve had it since birth. He told me that in all his years of work he had never seen something so large on an African American that was NOT linked to skin cancer or some other type of disease. He said that most African Americans who have some type of hyper-pigmentation as mine is usually cancerous and require surgery to have it removed, but my case was very different. In other words, there was/is nothing wrong with me/my skin and I need to get over it, but I wasn’t ready to hear that. I knew at that moment that this was something I was finally going to have to deal with and overcome. God was preparing me to be a social worker and do his work in the world, but there is no way I could do that carrying this baggage.

From that moment on I started my journey of loving me and still on that journey today. I will say that today I have overcome my insecurity about my birthmarks, I have learned to love and appreciate my uniqueness because it’s who I am. Because of my birthmarks I have been able to share my story with other women and young girls and help them towards overcoming their self-esteem issues. I will say to anyone who is struggling with self-esteem and self-love that it is a day-to-day process and you have to make the decision that self-love is something you want to achieve. Like I said, for me the process was not easy. When I discovered that I had this problem I was determined to overcome it. I didn’t want to continue to live my life HIDING! Wearing makeup on my arm or my leg everyday, not going swimming because I didn’t want the makeup to come off, not wearing certain colors because the makeup would ruin the clothes, and not being able to wear certain outfits. That was no way to live and not the way God wanted me to live. I realized that I missed out on a lot growing up because I was so afraid to be myself. As I said before, I know self-esteem is an issue that all women, young and old, may experience at some point in their life. When you realize that this is something that is holding you back from being who you were destined to be or doing things you were destined to do, then that is the point where you have to let go. I got to a point in my life where I asked myself, “what are you doing?” and told myself that I could no longer live like this because I wasn’t being true to myself or true to God who created me. I realized that my covering up my birthmarks with makeup everyday was me telling God that how he made me was wrong and that he made a mistake. I had to understand that my birthmarks are not a curse or something bad, but they are a blessing because they are my witness, my testimony. And now that I know that in my heart, I wear my birthmarks with pride because I am fearfully and wonderfully made 🙂

I encourage all ladies to join in on the “Loving Me” Journey and watch how God helps you love you!