A popular song back in the day by Four Seasons and a popular song in our day by Fergie, Big Girls Don’t Cry suggests that crying is not something that “big” girls do; crying instead is associated with the characteristic of little girls. We live in a society where crying is a sign of weakness. Boys/men who cry are said to be acting like a “little girl” or a “b*tch”. Why is that? When did crying become wrong or something that we shouldn’t do? Crying is an emotional release, it’s therapeutic and helps to remove toxins that build up due to stress. Crying helps to improve your mood levels and can help to break down internal walls or barriers. Have you yourself ever been comforted or comforted someone else while crying? I’m sure you have. That’s because crying helps to break down those barriers between people, allows vulnerability and fosters communication and relationship. Crying shouldn’t be viewed as a symbol of weakness, instead it should be viewed as a symbol of strength. There is nothing weak about being in tuned with your feelings and acknowledging the need to release (cry).
Ever since I was little I have been labeled as “emotional” because I could and still can cry at any emotional moment. I heard it so much to the point where I hated that I was so “emotional”. I cried when I got in trouble and my parents were disappointed in me. I cried when I had disagreements with friends. I cried when I upset others. I cried while watching touching movies. I cried when others cried. I just cried at any emotional situation you could think of and I hated it simply because crying was looked at as a sign of weakness. I didn’t like being looked at as weak or sensitive to others, even though I’m a girl. Weird right?! Because it was pointed out so much to me growing up, I thought that maybe that was a bad thing. I would often hear, “here she goes”, when I would get teary-eyed over whatever emotion-filled situation I was in at that time. It got to the point where I would try to hold my emotions in and try not to cry. That didn’t work. So I would pray about it. I often asked God why He made me soooo emotional and why can’t I be tougher! I asked Him to help me stop crying so much because it made others believe I was weak and I was tired of hearing, “Sherelle always cries”.
It wasn’t until I experienced life through the eyes of others in my journey as a social worker that I learned the power behind my tears. I experienced the lives of those who didn’t know how to cry and wished they knew how to release all the pain that plagued them. I experienced the lives of those who walked around emotionless and struggled with connecting with others. I experienced the lives of those who had stories to tell but couldn’t and didn’t know how. I experienced the lives of those who believed that tears symbolized weakness and that strength was in pretending. God showed me through the dry eyes of others why He made me the emotional girl who always cries. He showed me that my tears will be the strength someone else needs to release their strongholds. He showed me that my tears will be the encouragement that someone needs to share and tell their story. He showed me that my tears will help someone else know that they don’t have to deal with their problems alone. He showed me that my tears are not symbolic of weakness but they are symbolic of the strength of Him that is within me.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”
I also had to accept that tears are a part of life. We live in a world where there are so many hurts and disappointments and sometimes crying is the first most effective emotional response. Those who resist their urge to cry will many times bring on themselves serious emotional and mental health issues. However those who accept it as a part of life will often find themselves refreshed and restored after a time of tears.
Psalm 30:5 says, “…weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”
Revelation 12:4 says, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
This verse is so assuring to me even in those moments when I wish I wasn’t crying. I have faith in knowing that those burdens that have weighed me down, those struggles that I just can’t seem to overcome, those situations that make me tearful will soon pass away. I no longer (well try not to) look at my tears as a sign of something that has torn me down, but instead look at the tears as a release of what Satan is using to bring me down. I can’t hold in my emotions even if I tried and I hate it, but I’m learning to be thankful for that because I know that holding in those emotions will only cause me harm and take me further away from where God needs me to be. I’m becoming okay with that and learning to love everything about the way God made me.
If you are like me and overly emotional and just sometimes wish you weren’t, just stop. Don’t wish or pray away that strength to release. Not everyone can release their emotions. A lot of people hold onto things for years and never experience the emotional release of crying. I had a client once who said they didn’t know how to cry and couldn’t remember the last time they cried. I couldn’t imagine that. If you are not like me and don’t consider yourself emotional and don’t cry often, just know that it is okay to cry. Everyone needs a good cry every now and then. If you are holding in your emotions, not releasing them, pretending you’re okay, just stop. Know that if you need to release, it’s okay to cry.
For everyone reading this, let’s stop telling our children to “stop crying” and/or “don’t cry”. Sure there is a difference between whining and actually crying, but let’s not put those in the same category. Children should know that it is okay to cry when they need to release, when they are experiencing pain, hurt, discomfort or whatever emotion brings about the tears. This is why children who didn’t learn how to release emotions grow into adults who don’t know how to either. This is also how a lot of mental illnesses and behavioral issues develop (but I’ll save that for another time). We have to know and understand that crying is not a girl’s thing and it certainly isn’t for little girl’s. Big girls recognize their need to release, big girls understand and foster their emotional needs, big girls don’t hold onto pain, big girls recognize their own strength in their tears, big girls DO cry.
Until next time….
